This is gonna suck (A fanfiction parody by a friend)
by CommanderDirkCogburn
Summary: My good friend over at Deviantart decides to have a shot at writing walking dead fanfiction. I don't even know... Good thing they're really short.
1. Well this is gonna suck

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: The following story was not written by me, so I can not take responsibility for the nonsense you are about to read. It was written by a good friend of mine who has a Deviantart account - CaptainDoctorGhost. I have her permission to post it here for you guys since I really wanted people to see the shit that comes out of her head. The story was written as a parody of myself, she was basically ripping me off saying that she could write as good of a fanfiction as anyone hahha. Hope you guys enjoy. It's really short but you'll walk away thinking WTF!?**

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**Well this is gonna suck - A story by Deviant artist CaptainDoctorGhost (a good friend of mine)**

"Well this is gonna suck…" Nick groaned as the two boys approached… umm… Burger Shot. (Yeah, that GTA place).

"This is our punishment man, so we have to eat 120 burgers. That's 60 each. No problem—I mean, they get smaller each day anyways", Luke tried to be optimistic about their predicament. Nick gave him a stern and dirty glare. "This is all your fault… If you didn't photoshop your face onto the Mona Lisa and try to sell it off as the original, we wouldn't be sentenced to death".

"Hey, who says we're gonna die?" Luke raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I dunno", Nick shrugged sarcastically. "Maybe the 52 lbs of heart attack shit we're about to eat".

"Touché", Luke replied. They stared at each other in slight fear before entering the… *cough* Burger Shot.

120 burgers in and Nick was inches away from a food coma. He was drooling all over the table, mustard and ketchup all over his mouth. Luke had felt like he needed to vomit but instead a large burp had exited from the pit of his stomach. He felt pretty good, but looking across at his best friend he became concerned.

"You alright man?" he asked Nick. Nick just gurgled slightly. Luke started to panic as a fly buzzed and landed on the eye that Nick had slightly open, sucking up the moisture. "Nick!" Luke yelled, shooing away the fly and shaking Nick's shoulder roughly.

This was unlike Nick, usually he would eat the most out of the two and be fine. The young man was unresponsive and he decided to call for help.

"_911, what is the service you require?"_

Luke stuttered. "Amber… amberlamps…"

Due to Luke's incompetence to say ambulance, Nick's body began to shut down. Luke realised what was happening and hung up on the phone operator. "NICK!?" he yelled. "Man, can you hear me!?"

Meanwhile, for the sole purpose of character development, Nick's mind was having a near death experience flashback of his abusive drunken father.

_Young Nick: *pokes father passed out on couch* "Dad, where's mum?"_

_Father: "Garrr arggg I dunno, get lost"._

_Young Nick: 0_0 "kay…"_

_*flash back ends*_

For reasons unknown, that unrelated flashback gave Nick the ability to restart his body. Like a majestic seal jumping out of a hole in an ice lake. (Unlike Luke).

Nick fluttered his eyes open and for reasons unknown he found himself in a Snow White infinite sleep pose with Luke hovering over him.

"Wha… what happened?" Nick asked, slightly dazed. "I did it man…" Luke smiled creepily. "I broke the spell. Now we can be together forever".

Nick smacked his palm to his forehead. "God… you didn't make Nuke did you…?"

Luke smiled. "Even better!"

Nick felt a tightness around his finger…

His index was inside a chinese finger trap with Luke's finger.

Nick began to rumble in anger.

"FFFFF… FUCK!"

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**If you guys enjoyed this... don't know why but by chance you may have... hopefully she'll write more in the future.**


	2. Kenny the personality pancake

**Holy crap! So she literally just sent me another one through! The document was titled. **

**"Kenny the pancake because his personality flip flops"**

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**Kenny the pancake - because his personality flip flops (Written by Deviant artist CaptainDoctorghost)**

"Do you believe in Jebus, Lee?" Kenny asked with an eyebrow raised. Lee looked at him with a smile. "Was brought up to, yes", he answered the Floridillian reptilian.

You see, Kenny had spent years working on a boat as a commercial fishermen catching mackerel, dolphin or whatever is biting and paying. Usually what bit was the sharks, which were sold off to fish and chip shops as… "whitetail". (Yeah, whatever mate. I know that shit is shark meat). Kenny never got a good pay and couldn't afford the 50+ sunscreen. Only the 30+. So he was doomed to get burnt and overtime his skin became the complexion of a reptile. He still had a glorious moustache though.

"Are you still giving me that ride to Macon?" Lee asked, becoming anxious after he refused to save Duck. Even though Lee had read the comic books and knew Shaun wasn't going to make it, he elected to help neither of them. He wasn't wasting his energy pulling Shaun out and he thought that Duck needed to learn his lesson.

Kenny looked at him. "Macon bacon", he smirked as he started his hefty redneck laugh. Lee just glared at him. "Hey man, this is serious!" he scorned. Kenny cut him off in an angry manner. "Hey Lee, I've got my boat… *cough* I mean _boy_ to worry about".

Lee replicated the confused black girl meme at Kenny, before turning to walk away. "Wait Lee!" Kenny called. Lee turned back to him as if he hadn't seen him in a while. "Oh hey Ken…" he smiled.

"Fuck you, Lee!" Kenny growled and pointed. Lee was startled by his sudden hostile outburst. "What the fuck was that for?" he asked stunned. Kenny thought for a moment before remembering his reasoning for the outburst. "You didn't side with me that one time!" he snapped.

"What? I always side with you man!" Lee was offended by Kenny's accusations. "Yeah…" Kenny slightly agreed before returning to his argumentative persona. "But there was that one time you didn't. So on the off chance that Clementine gets kidnapped by a dude who can speak through broken radios because we happened to come across an abandoned car full of supplies… You better believe I won't be coming with you by choice. Until the plot needs me to pretend die, of course". The Floridillian reptilian folded his arms and glared at Lee.

Lee looked at him hopelessly. "Kenny… when did I not side with you man?"

Kenny lowered his head slightly and looked up at him to give that furrowed brow look. "You remember… Markloaf (obviously pun for meatloaf) night". Lee widened his eyes. "Kenny—I…"

"You told me that it was legs… I was looking forward to enjoying that dinner", Kenny growled.

"You told ME to look behind that locked door!" Lee defended.

"I was trying to distract you, I don't eat with your kind", Kenny narrowed his eyes.

Lee gaped at what Kenny had said. "What do you mean… my kind?"

"…intellects…" Kenny answered.

"Oh", Lee scratched the back of his neck. "Okay then… that's not so bad…"

"What?" Kenny raised his eyebrow.

"Nothing…" Lee replied. "Really, it's nothing…"

Kenny came to the realisation. "Oh, I get it. You thought that I was going to say urban, didn't you?" He angrily replied, offended that Lee had made that assumption.

"No… Kenny…" Lee tried to defend.

"Nah, Lee…" Kenny began. "I get it… You haven't got that ride to Macon".

Lee panicked. "Wait, was that because of what I said".

Kenny turned to him. "Nah, you're right", he shrugged. "I don't ride with urbans. Might give off the Pulp Fiction vibe".

*Kenny turns away from Lee and places on sunglasses*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

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**It's like 4am and she wrote this HAHAH.**


	3. Nuke: A Play

**She just sent another through! As someone who has written a hardcore Nuke story... this was rather embarrassing for me to read. But really funny! She hits everything spot on.**

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**Nuke: The Play (A fanfiction parody by deviant artist CaptainDoctorGhost)**

*Luke and Nick sit out on the cabin porch, looking up at the stars whilst they're on watch (clearly not doing their job right)*

Luke: Man, I love girls so much

Nick: Yeah, me too…

Luke: *turns to Nick* Why'd you triple dot?

Nick: No reason

Luke: Nick, seriously.

Nick: Because, Luke. I love you. You may not remember this but one of these two things happened. 1. I had a sex dream about you. 2. I noticed how sexy you were for a male. 3. We had an experience as children where you happened to be drunk and took advantage of me, but I didn't care because I fell in love with you but now I'm sad because you don't remember.

Luke: *A sudden influx of gaydom hits Luke* My god, Nick. My completely straight sexual orientation has been changed because screw biology. This is real love!

Nick: I'm glad you feel the same way.

Luke: Now we must initiate sex.

Nick: But Luke, this is moving too quickly for me!

Luke: Pfffft, Nick. Do I look like I have standards? Now pull off your shirt and show me that "toned abdomen" that I hear you have.

Nick: Toned… abdomen?

Luke: Yes, Nick. Your toned abdomen, now!

Nick: I don't have a toned abdomen…

Luke: -_- what?

Nick: I mean, it's pretty slender because I'm at the point of starvation, but I get nowhere near enough calorie intake to maintain the muscle mass for toned abs man.

Luke: Well this is disappointing.

Nick: *shrugs* Sorry man…

Luke: Well we may as well just do this then. _Boyfriend… _*smiles and winks*

Nick: Hey, you have to take me on a date first.

Luke: GAAAR FINE!

(Luke spends 3 days showering Nick in love and gifts).

Luke: Now… can we do it?

Nick: Nah, I'm too tired.

Luke: But you promised.

Nick: OH MAH GOD LUKE! I'M ON MY PERIOD! FUCK OFF!

Luke: 0_0 Okay, I'm sorry.

Nick: Can you spoon me though?

Luke: *sighs* Fine…

(Luke gets a nice face full of Nick's mullet)

Luke: blah, Nick!

Nick: *sleeping*

Luke: My arm hurts… Nick!

Nick: Shhh…

(7 Days Later)

Luke: Now can we?

Nick: No.

Luke: But… but why!?

Nick: I realised I don't like you. I'm attracted to older men. I mean *blushes* have you seen Carlos? Like, HELLO!

Luke: *walks out of cabin. Walks across frozen lake. Ends self*

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**I personally lost it at Nick yelling that he has his period HAHAHA**


	4. Shitty poems (finale)

**So, I was busy this week and wasn't able to upload much of my other stories. I'll be continuing "It's all my fault" after Easter when I'm on break and I will be continuing "Walking Dead: Wolves among Sheep" anytime soon now :)**

**I want to thank my friend for writing that stuff so I had something to upload. They cracked me up so much!**

**Here's probably the last thing she'll write. ENJOY!**

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**Some shitty "blue" poems - by CaptainDoctorGhost on Deviantart**

**KENNY:**

Kenny is blue

Kenny his moustache is brown

He couldn't find a boat

In this damn town

**BEN:**

Ben is blue

For reasons unknown

He got in contact with bandits

They must have a phone 0_0

**NICK:**

Nick is blue

But man, does he deliver.

Of he goes

To find the fucking river.

**CLEM:**

Clem is blue

Lee just died

Man, season 2

Should of fuckin' died too. (Too harsh? I mean the only good thing about S2 is Nick, really…)

**LUKE:**

Luke is blue…

No seriously.

This isn't even a poem.

Ice water does that to people…


End file.
